Unsolicited Book Review: The White Trash Mom

I was very excited to pick up The White Trash Mom Handbook from the library, yet I was so disappointed when I actually read it. It was a love/hate thing. The book is absolutely hilarious, but it didn't represent any of what I want out of life. It was more of a how-to guide for those that are White Trash but want to fit into tactful society. Though the subtitle clearly said it was intended to help readers "Embrace Your Inner Trailerpark, Forget Perfection, Resist Assimilation into the PTA, Stay Sane, and Keep Your Sense of Humor", it was actually a "how to fake it" book. I'm sure it could be very helpful for some, but it took an opposite stance than what I recommend. The book insists that modern standards are too high and that these standards aren't going to change, so moms need to join the charade and play along. Along this line of thinking, it is a helpful guide for wading through the shallow walk of life. But I believe that the reason these high standards aren't going to change any time soon is that so many people find it easier to play along or fly under the radar than to just be real. If more of us White Trash Mamas found a way to relax and find our own skin, the standards could become a little more realistic.

From the book:
"Some of my tactics involve being dishonest. For example, pretending you bake a cake when you really bought it at the store. I don't think lying is the right way to live your life. But extreme situations call for extreme solutions. (extreme about cake?) The only reason I give the advice I do is because the current expectations of motherhood are so unrealistic. Call fudging your culinary skills the lesser of two evils." 

And the other evil option was?....to say, "Thanks! I picked it up at Kroger's. Their Buttercream is delicious!" Cue the sinister music. Ooooh...Evil!


I'm being a bit mean to this book. Please don't misunderstand. It is a hilarious book that has some very practical tips, like dressing "artsy" (boots and tie-dye to avoid being chosen to head committees) and using proper brown-nosing techniques. It also works as a great faux-tact translator: "Max is very creative and energetic!" really means Max is from hell and needs to be medicated. Hilarious and helpful. So, if you don't want to feel comfortable with who you are but you do want to be accepted by other people who aren't comfortable with who you are either, this is a GREAT book!

By the end of it (read: appendix,) the tone changed and the author gave kudos to brave women, such as Betty Ford who was honest about her problems and helped pave the way for women with similar struggles to get the help they needed.

And in the end, it says,

"Remember that being White Trash is all about being who you are and not giving into the pressure of what other people think."

I completely agree with that statement, even if the rest of the book did not support it.

White Trash Part 3

It needs re-visited every now and then. Believe it or not, the idea of "White Trash" was a God-inspired quest. It has deep, significant meaning for me even if it does sound terribly tacky. You can follow that journey with the ancient posts "Part 1" and "Part 2" if you're interested, but summing it up: It's coming to terms with who you are and losing the pressure to perform and impress. Embracing the words genuine, sincere, and real. When I hit 30 (a few years back,) I still felt like a child sitting at the grown-up table. I was awkward and immature. And, boy, did I have hang-ups. God took me on a journey (or twenty) and helped me to realize how self-centered my thinking was and helped me to get over myself.

Now, not everyone with class and tact is a phony. I know a good number of people that are genuine, sweet, and graceful. They aren't judging anyone for being less-than-graceful. But that doesn't stop many of us from trying to measure up. And a good many of us were not born with class and tact.

So what is a White Trash Mama? Well, of course we all look different. That's the beauty of embracing who you are: no longer worrying that you aren't like everyone else. The stereotype evokes images of a bleached blonde with dark roots, wearing pajama pants in Wal-Mart with a cigarette dangling from her lips as she threatens to wallop her 7 children of various ethnic descents. This is a stereotype, not a dress code. The factor that truly makes her a true White Trash Mama is the fact that she really does NOT care what you think of her. You can raise that eyebrow, shake your head, and sneer all you want; she'll just snort at you and grab another box of ding-dongs off the shelf before sashaying away.


If you've seen The Help, you've watched a beautiful example of a woman embracing her inner-White Trash Mama. Ms. Celia Foote is a sweet character struggling to fit in. She has no idea why local society shuns her. "The Help" are well aware of the fact that poor Celia is White Trash, regardless of how much money she has. Her dresses are too tight, she drinks too much, and she is too open and honest.  But with a bit of help from Milly, Celia eventually accepts the terms and grows into her own skin with beautiful confidence.

 I love Celia Foote. I love Milly Jackson. These are women who can't help but be anything other than who they are. Sincere. Genuine. Both of these characters have that White Trash streak, though both have very different personalities. Again, the beauty of it rests in being the person God made you to be and being okay with it.

But what about the times when you aren't happy with who you are? Then change it, stupid. That last bit of advice is for me, actually. I've not been accomplishing half what I want lately and rather than face that fact, I've sought out distractions. My life isn't tidy, so I continuously seek the comfort of my tidy internet world, lesson planning pages (that never make it to the printer) and other tidy endeavors that don't impact my real life. I can deceive myself that they are worthy pursuits, but they are only distractions.

I recently heard a quote (which I cannot find and I cannot remember,) that said the reason many people seek distraction is that they do not want to face who they are. It's been haunting me for weeks. And it's true. And now that I know it, I can pursue improvement or I can pursue distraction.  Perhaps you're like me and you never quite grasped social graces. Perhaps you'd love to embrace your inner-White Trash Mama, but aren't happy with your present skin. I advise embracing the fact that this is who you are at this moment, and this includes knowing that who-you-are wants to be better. Be comfortable in the skin of someone who knows she hasn't "arrived", someone who is growing, someone God can use.

And in the  meantime, remember:

• By prevailing over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination. Christopher Columbus

• Work is hard. Distractions are plentiful. And time is short. Adam Hochschild

• And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. 1 Corinthians 7:35