Tuesday, August 28

"R" rated

This post is rated people. You probably just want to turn your heads now.

My "Created to be His Helpmeet" bible study went well last week. It was very interesting to get the different perspectives. It was great to be able to encourage and be encouraged to be more helpful to our husbands, in attitude and in deed. One subject that came up in discussion was finances, because they oftentimes seem to be a source of stress to our men. One gal discussed a new money management software. Another opted to be cheerful about a new envelope system. One opened separate accounts for her and her husband. But me, in order to alleviate my husband's stress level, offered to take over the finance management. WooHoo! Something concrete! A project! The bible study has dealt mostly with attitudes and they aren't as easy to "tackle" in an obvious way. I need something I can put on a checklist, kwim?

Unfortunately, I had several other things on my checklist and I somehow forgot that the finances were in my lap. And I messed them up. I messed them up bad.

On the same day that I realized my big error(s,) a friend jokingly shared with me a bit of a bellydancing tutorial. Aha! I thought. I could redeem my financial blunder with a bit of bellydancing! That would cheer him up! I practiced and practiced to a cd lent to me by my beautimus bellydancing bud and waited eagerly for Chris to come home. But he ended up working late and wasn't up to watching me bellydance in the middle of the night. So the next morning, I coaxed all the kids outside and lured Chris to the shower to keep his mind off the checkbook. I hit play on the cd player and immediately heard screaming from a kid that was NOT outdoors where she was supposed to be. drama-drama-drama-while I'm dripping-drama-drama-drama-naked here-okay-done-go back outside. And we hit play again. Within 30 seconds, another kid was in the bathroom with us. Apparently, there's nothing like cranking up the bass to a little Black Eyed Peas to get your kids to come running. They all wanted to "hear the music, too!" Hitting pause and breaking up arguments and herding children are major mood killers. So I pulled out the big guns. I set them up at the table with fingerpaint! Knowing they were good to go, I tried one last time to create a properly distracting shower.....

and then I got soap in my eye.

It hurt like heck.

I wailed and winced and gave up.

So learn from me, people:
#1 Don't screw up your checkbook, it hurts your husband's head.
#2 Don't play cd's in your house with words you don't want your children hearing even if they do have a really great beat.
#3 Don't practice bellydancing in front of your 3 year old unless you want her dancing like that to Father Abraham in her Sunday School Class.
#4 Save romantic showers for late nights when the kids have all had warm milk laced with benadryl.

13 comments:

Christy said...

I am gasping like a fish over here I am laughing so hard.

Girl, you are a my twin!!!

I can just see Honor bellydancing...and I can see Laura Grace doing the same thing. Oh my.

You are hilarious.

Christy said...

Oh, forgot to say that the same thing has happened with us. I have controlled our finances for nearly six years because I was the only one with the time-and ocd tendencies-and it just worked better. Now that I am busy, and frantic 24/7 I somehow forgot...

that is not good. I may try bellydancing...it may make all of those fees a little less...horrible.

Jennie C. said...

This is so, so funny!

The MaMa said...

Just a little advice form an old MIL....Honey, just lock the bathroom door!!!!

WriterGirl said...

LMAO! This is too funny... sounds like something that would happen at my house. More than once I've been asked why daddy is "wrestling" with me. And looong after I thought everyone had gone to bed.

Jenn said...

But Mom! My doors don't lock! And I can't get my darling to replace the knobs! Maybe a few more run-ins like the last one (five) and he'll reconsider.

Sunshyne said...

Oh man. This had me cracking up. I had a similar experience recently, though it didn't involve bellydancing or a messed up checkbook. Guess it doesn't sound too similar does it? But it was! And the kids..and their timing...and it just sorta ruined the moment. But, that's okay! I'm apparently not alone in my "off-timing."

wendy said...

Waa! Soap in your eye...

I have a feeling a little bellydancing could be helpful around here sometimes, too!

ps - I replied about your towel question - let me know if you really are interested!

Jenni said...

ROFL! You are soooo brave. Not just bellydancing, but *morning* romance with children running about. This deserves some kind of award:o)

Jenni said...

Oh, and which Black Eyed Peas song?

Jenn said...

"which BlackEyed Peas song?"

I have no idea! It was a mixed/burnt cd with various artists I will never know. I didn't catch 3/4 of the words to any song. However, I did catch most of the words to an eminem(?) song that said "I ain't never seen an a** like that..." and much more entertainment to follow. I'm so out of the loop. My age is showing. Since when did this white boy develop a Jamaican accent?

BgArt said...

Apparently, the last three words are the title to that song. I heart Google.

Benadryl huh? I wonder what would happen if you put that in a Dr. Pepper with a Monster chaser?

Jenn said...

You scare me, Mike.

How'd you like the rest of the lyrics? Crazy, huh?

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