I have zero tact. I laugh too loudly. I can't pick a clothing style to suit me to save my life. I am a poor housekeeper. I don't know when to leave a party...I'm a lingerer. I have licked my plate in public (in my defense it was a chocolate torte from Zio's and they are oh.so.heavenly.) Once upon a time, I was bent on living up to everyone's standards and then some. I strove for perfection. Now I strive for real. Some people have a way with words and can handle conversations so gracefully! I admire them. But without a doubt, I prefer to know what someone is really thinking than to have them smile kindly and tell me what I want to hear. You may think it's polite. I think it's dishonest.
I am no longer worried about what people think of me. If you don't like me, I regret that. I wish you would because I kind of like me and perhaps we're both missing out. But then again, maybe not. Maybe we just like different things and different people and why on EARTH would I want to put myself through hoops and be something I'm not? What's the worst thing that can happen when I choose to be myself? You won't like me. Okay. I can live with that. It's something I have no control over anyway, so there's no point in obsessing over it.
This is a long, rambling explanation, but the bottom line is that it finally dawned on me that I don't have the time or energy to invest into pleasing everyone. I want to please my God and please my husband. I am relieved to have discovered that there are some really cool people out there who appreciate white trash mamas like myself, so luckily, I'm not friendless through my "dawning awakening".
And just to clarify, even though I'm already horribly long winded and you've probably given up and closed this window already anyway: I don't mean that I surround myself with people who make me feel good about myself. I mean that I surround myself with people who are true friends. It's amazing how "not good about yourself" a true friend can make you feel. lol. I want the low-down-nitty-gritty and a real friend will give it. And I can always know that it comes from love.