Sunday, September 6

How do I not have grey hair yet?

Any other worst-case-scenario moms out there? I don't walk around a nervous wreck or anything, but as things come up, my mind immediately starts going through the list, making certain that I'm covering all the bases and not missing anything. It's not that I'm a hypochondriac and imagine the worst, I just have "the worst" on my mental checklist and include it as I consider the possible scenarios. The more creative the kids get, the more creative my scenarios get, unfortunately.

I woke up Friday morning to Honor beside me, whimpering, "Mama, I can't move." She couldn't move her neck and moving anything else on her body hurt her neck. Any time we've called the doctor with an ailment in the kids, they always ask "Can they move their neck?" to rule out meningitis. For the first time, it was something I had to worry about. I scooped her up and we headed to the hospital. Knowing meningitis has a short window of treatment of being able to help, we had an ambulance meet us on the way. By the time we had her inside the ambulance, she had some movement in her neck. It hurt her, yes, but she could move it some. The emt's assured us that this wouldn't be able to happen with meningitis and I nearly collapsed into a puddle of relief.

She continued to hurt and began to run a fever so I took her to the doctor. Turns out, she has a bug which made a lymph node in her neck swell. Sleeping funny made her neck muscles tense and pinch the lymph node. More than crick in the neck, as far as pain is concerned, but nothing dangerous.


I couldn't stop staring at her all day long. That morning, I was terrified I was going to lose my baby girl and that evening, she was feeling well enough to practice walking down the aisle as a flower girl at a wedding rehearsal.

At a recent Beth Moore conference, this topic came up. Beth shared that she prayed daily for her family, but that God had impressed on her heart to not just pray for their safety and protection, but to allow room in that prayer for God's glory to be shown. Sometimes, it comes at the cost of pain, but it is for our ultimate good.

That challenged me.

When I go through my scenario checklist, I'm worrying about the what-ifs. We had a crazy weekend after that Friday and I didn't have much moment to pause and soak in what had happened with Honor. After a couple days, as I went to bed, it hit. And I bawled my eyes out. The what-ifs hit me. What if it had been different? What if it happens some day? But all of my what-ifs have no purpose....because He saw fit to bless me with one more day with my beautiful children. And that's what I have. Today. And hopefully many more todays. But to God be the glory, I'll be thankful and walk whatever paths He leads me through.

6 comments:

Nezzy said...

WoW, that would have scared the bageebers out of me too and you know how I am not one to jump on the worst list wagon. So happy things turned out well. BTW great pic of Honor. Have a good one, love ya!!!

Jenni said...

I'm glad it wasn't anything big, but no matter what happens, we can remember that God is always bigger. Meningitis is a scary one, though, isn't it?

We had a scare last year with a swollen lymph node in Naomi's neck. We were pretty sure from the beginning that it was related to a tooth that the dentist hadn't filled because it was ready to come out, had gotten an abcess, and then fallen out and the infection drained. We took her to the doctor to make sure because the lump on her neck was quite large. Our doc kinda freaked out and jumped the gun thinking it was cancer. He was careful about what he said, but the fear and concern in his voice was very evident. We were still sure it was from that abcess, but we went for the MRI and specialist consultation anyway, and it was still hard for me to keep my mind from going where it shouldn't. Cancer is another very scary word, but God is bigger than that, too. We have to remember to keep our eyes on Him and our thoughts in line with His Word, no matter what is going on around us.

Christy said...

I love this post because I am right there with you. I have been thinking about this a lot lately-we are blessed daily by each day that God gives us with our children. However, we are not guaranteed a lifetime of these days. It is so scary for me to release that burden of worry to Him.
I am SO glad that your sweet girl is okay and on the mend.

Mel said...

Wow, that is scary.....I'm so glad that it was nothing more serious. It is scary when you get to thinking about all the "What ifs?" that are possible. I try not to let myself go there because if I do, then I'll be too scared to take the kids anywhere or do anything with them. I think it hits mostly after dark too; I don't know why, but when they're in bed, and I go to bed, I guess I have more time to think about it; even another friend brought it up the other day, with all the crazy stuff going on in the world right now. But God is in control....we just have to remember that and keep that in our hearts.....easier said than done sometimes....

There must be a virus like that going around because I woke up with a cold this weekend, and my neck has been soooooo stiff, that I could hardly move it. It still hurts. Hmmmmm.....

Jessica said...

i am constantly thinking of the "what ifs" and worst case scenarios. reading your post made me want to run over to the babysitter's and hold my babies good and tight for awhile.

Mamagistra said...

Oh, I'm so glad she's better! You guys have so much going on...I am terrible at keeping up with all blogs, but know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers. :)

That pic is just beautiful!

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