The Beast is Conquered

I descended to the dark underworld of HTML code and emerged Victorious! I cannot describe the high I had when I went to bed last night. I have been sick and should have passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. But I had so much adrenaline pumping, I couldn't do it. I DID this! I really felt as if I had accomplished something! I'm not sure why I was so proud of myself...woohoo, I built a blog that no one will read....how about accomplishing some laundry? Now THERE is something to be proud of!

But I don't get to use my brain to do laundry.

So what have I learned from this?

a: I need to use my brain a bit more. It's not supposed to feel this good to realize one has "thought" about something.

2: There is a balance here somewhere. I just haven't found it yet.

I should feel proud of myself for maintaining a clean house. But it shouldn't be my definition of who I am. At the same time, I cannot regard it as an evil that must be tackled so that my real life can begin. I've been going at it with that attitude and my life has been permanently on hold because of it. It is part of my life. It is not my life. It is where my calling resides. To fulfill my calling is an act of worship (to God, not my laundry.)

I am a mom. I am a teacher. I am a wife. I am a housekeeper. I am a Christian. But aside from my "role," who am I? I honestly couldn't say. I forgot. Once upon a time, I really did know. Once upon a time, I had figured out that being a Christian is not a "role." Having a true relationship with my Saviour, Jesus Christ, is being who I am meant to be. Loving Him and being Loved by Him.

So, if I can remember how awesome that felt....to be so alive and to know who I am....why am I not doing it now? It wasn't a conscious decision. I feel like I just nodded off. And when I woke up, I was off the path. Not only was I off the main road, I was running naked through the woods. So it's time to put my clothes back on. {this is a metaphor. I promise. At no point was I in the great outdoors without clothing}

I read this last night while hunting up other blog-styles and html code to steal (thank you Rosemary.) I hope the author doesn't mind my sharing:

Being transformed is work. It requires effort, and it requires submission to the will of God. When we’re transformed, we must be transformed into something according to God’s will, not our own. And if we’re not willing to be transformed ourselves, then we really don’t have a lot of credibility if we point our fingers at others and ask them to do what we won’t.

This came from Kim Shay of The Upward Call. Thank you Kim! Lifechanging words!

I want to be transformed. And I don't have to know who the "me" is that I'm aiming for. I just have to submit to Him. At the same time, I don't get to just sit here like a lump of clay waiting for God to make me into some super cool person. I have to choose what I'm going to do each day. I have to choose what attitude I'll wear while doing it. I have to avoid the things that aren't good for me. My chocolate chip and coffee breakfast fix is okay. The porn will need to go.

I'm KIDDING! There is no porn.

But I do need to avoid thoughts that distract me from my path. Namely: fear. worry. self-pity. No room for what-if's.

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