Quit Yer Bellyachin'

I know I just posted, but I have GOT to get these feelings written down. I am having an amazing change in attitude. Thing is, I'm not sure I can even describe what I'm feeling. When it comes to emotions, I am the Queen of describing them. This is not the least bit emotional. It's not deep, it's not complicated...it's just a breath of fresh air. I have a new lease on life. And it all started with a haircut! Okay, not really, but the haircut symbolized so much more to me! With it went all of my ick. ICK-NO-MORE!

I have checked out self-help books on every topic under the sun. I have books on better attitude, better parenting, better sleeping, better eating, better exercise, better bible study, better communication, better sex, better homeschooling...and the list goes on. Great books. But they left me in ickville.

A friend called me yesterday morning for encouragement....she was ready to give up on homeschooling and housecleaning. She was ready to put them on the big yellow bus and burn her house down. Why she thought I would be of any help here is beyond me. I was flattered, but I accidentally laughed out loud at the irony. Rule #1, when encouraging a friend, don't laugh at them. I started to suggest a book that might help inspire her...then it hit me: she's read this stuff before. She knows this stuff. I know this stuff. So why aren't we getting it?

Andie is another mom who has been going through this, and through reading her blog and emails, I keep thinking...she's an awesome lady! My friend looking for encouragement is another awesome lady. Why are we all feeling this struggle? We have babies AND toddlers....and we live to tell about it!

The Mom's Town book that I have been reading got me thinking. It had a little different attitude toward this whole "get your house together" thing. It emphasized liking yourself (totally cheezy, I know.) I want to change so many things in my life. I really want to do a better job! A few mornings ago, I woke up slowly, praying with my head still buried in my pillow. I started going through my day and resolving to make this day better. As I went through the list, I became more and more discouraged as the realization hit me that there is nothing in my life that I am not screwing up right now. Jeepers - prayer in the morning - way to start the day, jenn. That's not what my precious time with God is supposed to be! I realized that I was griping, not praying. I was depressing myself. So you know what I did?

I got a haircut!

And you know what? I am still a screw up. I guarantee you, there is something that I have screwed up today. And I guarantee you there is something I will screw up tomorrow. I will still enjoy myself. I will still enjoy my day. I've got today and I plan on participating in it! I feel like a new woman. No more complaining about what I want to do differently. No more trying to be super woman and pleasing everyone.

And the funny thing? I got the "Hey, you got a haircut!" comments. You know what I mean. When it's a flattering haircut, people say "Ooh, I love your haircut!" When it is an obviously new cut, but not exactly flattering...they say "you got a haircut" Really? Thanks. But the great part is: I don't care! I love my new haircut. I'm not out to please anyone but my God, my husband, and myself. And for once, it doesn't feel absolutely self-centered to say that I want to like myself.

Now, I feel completely Lame (note the capital L) sharing all of that. It sounds like something right out of "I'm okay, You're okay." But nakedness was part of the reason for doing this blog in the first place, right? So there ya go.

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